Pain In Agony

Its been quite a while since I last wrote here. Well, you see, I'm having 7 papers this coming 2 weeks. I need to put a lot of efforts in order to achieve what I want. I just want to update on a few things. First stop, the light things.

I hate to say this, but it seems Newcastle very much are in great danger of being relegated after losing to Fulham(a match where I sincerely think Newcastle was the better side, deserving all 3 points). I can't ever remember when was the time when we were in such pain, just imagine, being relegated with just one point short. The last time I remember such things happen was in 2004 I think, when Graeme Souness was in charge when Newcastle finish 5th, with a mere 2 points from Champions League. The next two season, fans surrounded St. James' Park, forcing Souness to quit the job. Ironically, it was the next 5 year when we are actually fighting relegation. How's that for a heartbreaker? from 5th to 18th in just 5 years? I bet the man behind this sabotage must be very proud of himself, destroying a proud club in a very-very short time. Impressive. Just to be a little less pessimist, next up is Aston Villa. Our last chance to avoid being the next Leeds if you know what I mean. Lets just pray miracle do exist. :)

Secondly, just yesterday night, after USRAH (title "banyak seperti buih"), my PetFamily were having a somesort of small birthday party. Frankily, I was actually against doing it at the first, (considering all of us in the family were very much not closed) but considering it could be the last time we are going to be together, I resist my will. We celebrated Aliya,Syawal, and Hadith 's birthday. Ili was the man(or should I say the wo-man) behind all these. We ate cakes, pizzas, Icecream and much more. I was actually bloated yesterday,(and quite sleepy too, I slept at 2.00am, far from my usual night routine).

Next up is this whole week. I have to admit, these few weeks, I have become somebody who I hardly know. I act differently, I behave differently, I do things that I don't normally did, and I regret doing all of it. I have to say, my path had deviated too far from its initial line. I guess I was just under enormous pressure that had forced me to "evolve" and be a different person. I, as usual, a hot-tempered person, being relentless most of the time, had a very difficult decisions to make the last few weeks. But after going through it now, I can see all the mistakes that I've made back then. I realise, when we fell, we always wanted to comeback stronger. we wanted to fly higher. But that does not mean we have to fly differently, that we might even fall subsequently and hurt our wings that we cannot fly again. Get what I mean?


Don't change who you are. But change what you want to be, what drives you forward. You are gifted. Everyone is. So don't try to reminisce other, as you are unique on your own,
YOU COMPLETE THE WORLD.

Remember MYC? "begin with the end in mind". That should drive you the right way.

Yay! Just now, around 8.00 pm, my father arrived to take me home. I felt so happy that I can actually spend tonight(and the next two night) at home, weee..

Actually, I went back because I needed to. I had an appointment with my doctor to check my disease.. Hopefully I'll be fine..

That's not really what I wanted to write this time.. I don't feel like writing a hell lot bout Perak either, as I felt its just a waste of time and space. Well, you see, earlier this week, Nizar had won the trial, and was clarified as the MB of Perak. But the next day, BN proposed to some sort of delay the decision, and ask the court to re-evaluate their decision. Thus, as I said previously, unless one side surrender, the mess will go on further, and we, the public are the one who'll suffer. You see, if I'm not mistaken, the MB issue had been the trumpet in Perak for about 2 months now(i think..hee..) and during this period of time, the state of confidence in the gov. had been stripped off day after day. Atm, I hate to say this, but i honestly think this is the worst-ever embarrassing situation recorded in the history of Malaysia, and maybe even mankind, for that purpose. Who knows, one day, it'll be recorded in SPM history textbook, and our sons and daughters are going to laugh learning the past. They'll say, "daddy, why is it people in that generation so dumb and funny?". So, I think all of us better think of an answer now, or else we'll be embarrassed by our own child..

Btw, as I said, that's not really what I wanted to write. I wanted to say
HOWAY THE LADS~
yep, the magpies are soaring high again(well, not really high, but escaping the relegation will still be considered to be satisfactory you see) next up, against Fulham. really hope the likes of lovenkrands martins nolan and co will step up the plate again. huhu..


Nyway, A-level exam is just around the corner(for some, it had already started!) but this does not stop the over-energized kyuemians to celebrate TEACHER'S day! there were lots of interesting and fantastic spectacles on show, but then again, I really think some of them was a little bit too much. Now again, I'm nobody to say anything.. The vid. presentation was really sweet, but some singing(hard-metal ones you see) certainly was'nt my cup of coffee... Then there some other events, which, doesnt really interest me... well, the "are you smarter than an A-level student" part was quite fabulous though.. haha.. Only that the questions asked to Zat n Rashdan was very-very hard, if not we would have won it..hee..

In this particular chance, I would like to honour some of my beloved teachers..

;Miss Sheila
;Miss Chan
;Miss Ng(kindergarden teachers)

Pn Latipah(stdrd one teacher, Maths, English)
Pn. Aminah(BM teacher, std 1)
Pn Junaidah(BM teacher, stdrd 2,3)
Pn Jemiah(maths teacher, std 5.. I remember hurting her heart once.. sorry again..)
Pn A'isyah(islamic study teacher, std 2,3, arab teacher 5,6)
En. Saad(islamic teacher, std 5,6)
En. Salleh,(maths teacher std 2,3)
En. Jefri(KH teacher, 5,6)
Pn. Rokiah(maths teacher, std 6)
En. Azman(english teacher, std 2,3)
Pn. Marhani(english teacher, 5,6)
Pn. Aishah(BM, KT teacher, 5,6)

Pn. Nazliah(maths teacher, form 1,2,3.. can't imagine my life if you were'nt there! thanks a lot!)
Pn. Nik Sobariah(maths teacher, form 3)
Pn. Suriani(geography teacher, form 3)
En. Pauzi(geography teacher, form 1,2)
En. Rahamaat(History teacher, form 1,2)
Pn. Roslaini(BM teacher, form 1)
Pn. Umi Kalsom(BM teacher form 2,3, also Taught me DEBAT)
Pn. Fazliaty(english teacher, form 1,2,3)
Sir Khairil(science teacher, form 3)
Pn. Khadijah(science teacher, form 1,2)
En. ISA(KH teacher, 1,2,3. I miss you sooo much...)
Pn. Nafsiah(History teacher, form 3)
Ustaz Faiz, (arab teacher, 1,2,3)
Ustazah aminah(islamic teacher, form1,2)
Ustaz Syed Basir(islamic teacher, form 3)

En. Yusof(BM teacher, form 4,5)
En. Abdullah(DEBAT)
En. Hairulzam(chem teacher, form 4,5)
Teacher Farah(english teacher, form 5)
Teacher Chan Kum Leen(english teacher, form 4)
PN. salwa(mod&add maths teacher, form 4,5..I'll never forget your contribution!!thanks a lot!!)
Pn. Rohani(bio teacher, form 4,5)
Pn. Juliati,(physics teacher, form 4,5)
Ustazah noraminah(islamic, form 4)
Ustazah monaliza(islamic, form 5)
En. Azlin, (history teacher, form 4)
Pn. Suhana(history teacher, form 5)
Pn. Nor Bita(EST teacher, form 4,5)


Dr. Jamal Krouser Bano, (pure maths, Further PM)
Mr. Colin Dant, (Mechs, Stats, Further AM)
Miss Shree(chem)
Mr. Graham Hanson(Chem)
Miss Noor Zaihan(Economics)
Ustaz Malikie(Islamic)
Pn. Halijah(MS)
Madame Madeline Rosario(IELTS)
Mr. Ian Boler(ICT)

HAPPY TEACHERS DAY!! THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING!!!

This evening, I went out to Tanjung Malim. Together with Akmal, Hafidz n Golo. We don't really have any specific aims really that evening, just wanna have some fun.. It's kinda bored you see, sitting in front of your desk, reading books and doing maths all day.. so at 4.00 pm, hafidz came up with the idea to go out, and we all agreed. After performing Asar prayers at Musolla As-Saad, we went out.. We started buying things that have been ordered by others(I hate it when people ordered a whole lot of things, and not giving the money in advance.. who do they think I am? banker or something?) Then, we ate ROJAK! haha.. its been quite a long time since I last ate rojak.. though it did'nt taste SOOO good, but well, everyone seems to have 'a clean plate' after the meal.. haha..

After that, Hafidz and Golo went on buying some stuff at Grand Union.. Then only we proceed to the one and only-Pasar MAlam!!.. I bought Nasi Lemak and Murtabak(soorrry.. can't put the pictures here.. its finish already..haha..).. It's great to see such Pasar Malam filled with tonnes of delicacies(I'm sure it will be sorely missed in UK later on), but there were some other things that was'nt so nice.. By saying it was'nt so nice does'nt mean I hate them, It just that I don't like to see it happening.. hrm.. Well, there were some "unfortunate old folks" there, some were physically challenged while others seems just too old.. My point is, they are reatively incapable of living on their own you see, but there is simply nobody who really cares about them(that includes me) and seems willing enough to at least do something to help these people. JUST IMAGINE, you, yes, you yourself being neglected like that, having to beg for other people's symphathy to keep on LIVING! Do you think you LIKE being like that? think about it, as a human, as a son/daughter or even as a complete stranger. Where are all the virtues being highlighted in our early school? I thought in my kindergarden, my teacher once told me that Old folk's are like "treasure" to others. They have abundant of experience that are far more valuable that any gold on this Earth. I bet I won't believe a single word from her if I know what happens to these people.

That is not the worst part just yet. Meanwhile, on the same time, at a relatively different scene, 'big political names' are quarelling about who should rule the land. From my humble point of view, I don't give a s*** who's the leader atm. Just look around. People ARE SUFFERING. THEY ARE QUARELLING. things will be sorted out untill one side wins. When will that happen? in the long-run you say? As Keynes once said, "we'll all be dead in the long-run". Fine, I totally understand the importance of a proper 'khalifah' leading the people to the right path. But for goodness' sake, I THOUGHT PEOPLE ARE AFRAID TO BE KHALIFAH because you'll have a whole lot of responsibilities when you do. These responsibilities will be asked in the afterworld by the Almighty Allah, thus Khalifah are supposed to be those you are BRAVE, because they are willing to be a liability for a community. But what happens now?

I'm going to put things straight now. We support one candidate for his/her party. not because of his reliability.

Example 1: Some people in Taiping if i'm not mistaken are forced to vote for a relatively unknown candidate just because they wanted to vote for BN. For me this IS WRONG. you vote for the person whom you believe are capable of leading you to the right path. Not because you wanted the party that the particular candidate is representing for. I don't want BN, PAS or any other party to lead me. I want a specific candidate, for example I have a lot of respect in Nik Aziz. But this does not mean I should simply register myself at a nearby centre as a Pemuda PAS. This in my opinion is slightly slanted. You see, when you voted a person because of his/her party, when they irresponsibly jumped party, you'll lost your vote already. It's dump and dusted if you know what I mean.

Example 2: we protested when Nizar was forced to put an end to his job, I don't mind if you protested because you know Nizar is a good leader. But many of us protested because we wanted PAS to rule our land. We "konon2nya" wanted Islam to prosper in our area. For me, that is WRONG. True, everybody want Islam to prosper. But remember, its not a one-way route we're talking about.Fine, I understand, when PAS had selected a candidate at one area, they make sure he really is a good leader. but remember, we cannot judge a person simply from his/her party only. I have to say, I barely know Nizar, and in my opinion he SHOULD be given some more time to demonstrate his credentials, so that people can judge whether he really is a good leader. But still, when you are asked to leave your position by many sides, front back and in all other directions, I don't think it's wise to resist. It'll definitely show your resolute character, but it is simply not worth to spray a huge flame at a lighting ember. You'll make things even worse. I think by being more resilience, he can have an outside chance to show the world that there were wrong and teach them all to stand along. A good leader should have the "ability" to follow other as well, because being a leader does not mean being a person whom should never be lead by others. If he showed his resilience, I believe I'll have more respect on him.

And as result you see, when these big names are fighting for "their rights", we lost our rights. These poor old folks are being neglected by everyone, but surely being neglected by the gov. must come as a huge dissapointment. They came to every pasar malam in a vain hope that someone will finally answer their call. I always thought that each district have their own "jabatan kebajikan" that were mainly funded by our taxes. Hey, did those tax were used for trials in courts to show who should be ruling the state? no wonder these people are abandoned!
or maybe those taxes were mainly used to pay the bills of labour working there. hmph.. wonder what a seemingly useless citizen like me should do.. I'm just a one person after all(does'nt this sound familiar? Earth Hour anyone?)

Again, I'm stressing my point. I've learned history. I know the blatant tragedy on 13th of May. I know how that happen. It's all down to race-political incidents. That's why these parties are formed, to show to the bloody Englishmen that we are united and can stand on our own no matter what our race are. But like what Marshall Lerner proposed in his theory of J-Curve, things tend to have to oppositely varied consequences in the long-run compared to the short-run. If its good at the beginning, it's most likely to start declining in the future. Vice versa. (remember Malaysian's old sayings,"berakit2 ke hulu berenang2 ke tepian.. bersakit2 dahulu berenang2 ketepian".. think it looks so true now.) I think its time to move on. We cannot contained our differences by forming parties, but still having different POV and aims. Acting is no longer fun, as once said. When the time comes, all those fake smile will start to change into hatred. I think we should have a individual-based election. We vote who we want to lead us, not which party. And when these bloody parties are eliminated, we won't fight in the parliament just for the sake of supporting our fellow party member. We don't have to act like monkeys anymore. There will no longer be party-based decision, no more faulty and hurting words being thrown to each other. Everyone will be focused on HELPING THE NATION TO GROW. not the party.Right?

Of course, as an economist(future economist, I supposed) I tend to have branches of sight when analysing each situation. There's always a good and bad of things, but in this case, I can say I'm quite sure(normative statement) that the drawbacks of this action is just something that we have to face and deal with. We cannot simply sit down and talk bad things behind other peoples' back but say good things when they are around. We should be what we wanted to be, not what we think what others wanted us to be.Well, that is only if we wanted to see a "civialised community", if you know what I mean.

Last night, I read a blog. an ordinary blog, written in broken English(no offence). I found it rather interesting since not only it helps people to broaden their vocabulary, but it will also improve one's writing as well.

Thus, I wanted to write in English(at least in this particular post). Yep, I wanted to change. I think change IS good. well, of course only if it is based on some solid reason(that must be right too!).Albeit that my English was'nt so good, I think it is still necessary for me to try it. And after writting about 2 papragraphs, I have to say, it was'nt easy!

Difficulty makes something challenging. Challenge builds up character. Character shapes up one's decisions and thinking. Thus, to sharpen one's precision in deciding, difficulty is what we should be longing for. As failure will bundle up our experience, and of course taught us lessons that cannot be obtain otherwise. Fine, I know I'm nagging right now. Talking some nonsense and perhaps some boring old crap. Say whatever you want, as it is up to me to write whatever I felt.

Ok, enough of some lame phrases. Let's talk about life.(again, also lame) I mean real-life situation(ok, not so lame kot..) PERAK. I've always wondered about what's happening there. It's my hometown you see, place where I grew up(most of my living years I've been staying there!) Place where I was taught about moral, respecting others, appreciating things... But know, the most respected people(well, I think it should be "people that thought that they are respected") are causing the turmoil! can you ever imagine in a school, your Principal is quarelling with HEP/HEA using some faulty words.. IN FRONT OF THEIR VERY OWN STUDENTS? same goes to this ADUN case. They fought in front(well, since evryone can watch it LIVE) of the people that voted for them! this one man in my unbiased opinion is very much unprofessional. Come on... If people don't want you anymore, just get the h*** out of there! If people still wants you, just make another election. Settle things for once and for all!! and for the other side, come on!! who do you think you are? stop it.. accept the fact that YOU ARE NOT a leader! it's getting embarassing.. not only to other Malaysians in other state, but also the WORLD as a whole!

In economic point of view, this will not only cost them, but also other third parties, which is, US! the externalities is always there.. Just imagine.. they are pulling each other's hair atm. On what circumstances dou you think they will help "rakyat perak yang malang"? What can they actually do? the district fund is there, but because both side claims to have the right to fill the hotseat, the fund will never go out. hate it so much..

So, as we can see, change(in many several case, including Hijrah by our great prophet Muhammad SAW) can be good. but on the other hand, if the changes are merely because of some unvalid reasons, like the one happened in Perak(during past election), the cost is far more severe. As commonly written in most economic essays, there will always be at least 2 possible outcome of one decision. One is good, on the other hand the other one is BAD. Its up to the government(or in the case of perak, we have NO GOVERNMENT to be trusted, we should say its up to anyone who think there are good enough) to alter some parameters to ensure one particular decision is backed up with many solid reasons..



PS: President Truman once said, "give me one armed economist!".. is'nt funny? because economist tend to be straight in evry suggestions, giving both pro's and con's, making it difficult for him to decide. haha..

Sekarang memang sangat sibuk. sibuk dengan kertas2 past papers yang belum dihabiskan.. rasanya sangat rugi kalau tak sempat buat past papers tu sebelum periksa yang sebenar. Kalau kira-kira, ade lebih kurang 22 hari je lagi nak start paper exam!(untuk aku arr..)

Malam neh, aku ngan chaletmate seperjuanganku, Hafidz, Shahir ngan Eirzreen semua dok wat further ja.. nak bagi mantop... maklumla, nak fly pgie universty pilihan semua nak further A. Kalau dulu, rasanya tak nampak langsung camna nak dapat A. Tapi sekarang, insya-Allah, kalau wat latihan manyak2, n keep your head cool, bleh jawab kot.. huhu..



Malam neh, aku ngan hafidz stay up lame sket kot.. sampai kol 3... nak tgk barca maen malam neh.. hehe.. semalam dah tengok MU dah..

K ar.. saje ja nak update.. lame sesangat tak tuleh paper kat sini.. To my chaletmates,
"go.go.go... Insya-Allah berjaya..." hehe...

Tekanan. Beberapa minggu neh, aku bajet aku terlebeh tension. Sangat. Aku perhatikan tyme aku mandi, aku sikat rambut etc, banyak rambut yang gugur. Aku sedar, aku ada 'penyakit itu' tapi bukankah ianya sudah lama diubati?

Kalau pembaca2 ingat, aku pernah gtau, aku ade penyakit yang tak leh baik. Penyakit yang perlukan perubatan dan penjagaan secara berterusan. Yep, aku TAK BOLEH SEMBUH. bunyi angker kan?

Cuti baru neh(labour day) aku dengan tak tahan rasa khuatir penyakit lama melarat, pegi jumpe doktor balek. tapi sebab skunk aku dah pindah, so kena arr try doktor baru. Doktor biasa(expert dalam kes aku, sebab die dah ikut kes aku sejak aku umor 6 tahun lagik,) Dr Yee, ade kat Ipoh. kebetulan die tutup ari sabtu n ahad. So memang tak ada harapan arr aku nak jumpe die.

Petang tuh, aku pegi doktor kat teluk Intan. Tergamam. Terkejut gak. "Awak ada Pso****** eh? kalau ikutkan klinik ni takda ubat yang btol2 khusus untuk penyakit tuh." kata doktor yang menganti doktor disitu. Mungkin ramai yang tak tahu maksud Pso******. mungkin semua pon tak tahu. Aku pun tak nak bgtau. Tapi, kalau korang slalu usha aku, korang akan faham dan mengerti Pso****** tu ape. Its a hereditary disease. Passed on from one generation to another. (Aku tak nak tuleh name penuh penyakit tuh kat sini.. sebab wiki tunjuk gamba2 yang menakutkan kat page penyakit neh.. tak nak aku.. akunye takde la sampai tahap tu..)

Ayah n mak aku tak ada. Tapi pakcik aku sorang ada penyakit neh. apa nak buat, ini memang ujian. Aku sekarang rasanya kat tahap 1.5. Kalau sampai tahap 6-7, insya-Allah aku tak akan menulis lagi kat sini. Aku sebenarnya malu nak cakap pasal menda neh. Tapi, sekarang rasanya dah teruk, and lagi elok kalo korang tahu benda sebenar dari korang wat assumption ja. Berdosa lak nanti.

Tyme aku kecik2 dulu, (7-8 tahun) aku ada penyakit neh. Serius, untuk budak kecik, condition aku tyme tuh, memang teruk. Aku berubat dengan dr Yee tadi lebeh kurang 1.5 tahun, before dr. tu giveup. yep, die give up. Diagnose awal die and sume treatment yang die kasik, hanya instantaneous. Once taken, healed. But in the next week or so, the same symptomes will keep appearing. Die refer kitorang kat sorang dr. specialist. Alhamdulillah dengan kuasa Allah, ikhtiar ini berjaya. Tyme aku umor 12 tahun, aku disahkan sembuh sepenuhnya. Tapi, bila aku umor dalam 15-16, tanda2 kecik syptomes tu datang balik. Aku ingat bile makan ubat cam biasa, die akan hilang. Tapi, still, it continues to reappering. Tahun neh, dalam bulan Feb, penyakit neh jadi semakin serius. Aku takut gak, tapi aku wat dek. Aku makan ubat biasa2 ja, tapi skunk dah melarat.

Disebabkan klinik pakar tak bukak semalam, aku pegi klinik biasa ja. Tak sangka, doktor tu pon ade pengalaman ngan penyakit neh. Aku kena terus berikhtiar. Insya-Allah, minggu depan aku balik lagi, untuk jumpe dr specialist kat Teluk Intan.

Ya Allah,
Allahumma sihatkanlah badanku
Allahumma sihatkanlah pendengaranku
Allahumma sihatkanlah penglihatanku.

Aamin.